The Road To Making Your First Sale Online

The Late Philip J. Fry

Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony? It’s a T. It goes “tuh”.

Amazon Women in the Mood

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Meh. It’s toe-tappingly tragic! Professor, make a woman out of me.

  • I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo.
  • Kids have names?
  • Why would a robot need to drink?

Anthology of Interest II

Tell them I hate them. I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. Your best is an idiot! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

Love’s Labors Lost in Space

Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Take me to your leader! No argument here. Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!

  1. You can see how I lived before I met you.
  2. File not found.
  3. Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.
  4. You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie!
The Duh-Vinci Code

Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them. Tell them I hate them. You’re going to do his laundry? You can see how I lived before I met you.

A Taste of Freedom

Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Guess again. Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk!

You’re going to do his laundry? Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’? Noooooo! I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually?

Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg ‘fixes’ it… then perhaps gifts! Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. Oh God, what have I done?

Who are you, my warranty?! Ooh, name it after me! I wish! It’s a nickel. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Bender, we’re trying our best. Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.

Negative, bossy meat creature! Why not indeed! Throw her in the brig. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died.

Your best is an idiot! Yeah, lots of people did. For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored.

Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? You are the last hope of the universe. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Kids have names?

I love you, buddy! Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist!

One hundred dollars. You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.

File not found. Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? And then the battle’s not so bad? In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie!

Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” Why would a robot need to drink? You don’t know how to do any of those. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!

Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself.

It’s toe-tappingly tragic! There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! Belligerent and numerous. I never loved you.

Why would a robot need to drink? Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very…

When will that be? With gusto. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.

3 Comments
  1. March 19, 2014
  2. March 19, 2014
  3. March 19, 2014

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